My writing has stopped for a while. I was thinking to write about the excitement and my previous World Cup memories but that is not me any more, although I still greatly enjoy football. Many unexpected events have turned live upside down really but there is great pleasure in it. Life has been a lively stream. Only thing that is bothering me is: I am not spending my time to write. Had few stories on mind playing but did not make to the paper. I did whatever I could. It was not supposed to be written just like the world cup memories that I enjoyed growing up.
My sporty life, my childhood my sufferings from sports, my energy are all just memories. I have no regrets, no egos, and no sense of unique achievement. Few people keep asking me about my childhood. It was just a regular Nepalese childhood. May be there was little more emotional attachment to literature and philosophy than a regular kid...that’s all. But everyone is a little poet and a philosopher in himself. These days I can't be a philosopher because I have no time to think deeply about unimportant things in life, like- "what would happen if the sun does not rise tomorrow?" Philosophy is absurd.
Summer is here and as thought I am trying to enjoy cycling, swimming and sitting in silence. Few things are not going well, but where has everything been so perfect? Family issues, financial issues, health issues... if I want to be depressed, there are hundreds of reasons I can go insane tomorrow. These days I am enjoying spirituality in the gaps of silent filled naps and busy lifestyle. I am reading Bible and Zarathustra at the same time. It is absurd but what can I do? It just happened. If you look closely, Bible has everything one needs to know. If you look philosophically, you can go insane after reading Zarathustra. It is absurd.
But I don't care. I am son of God. Like my grandfather once said, "I can kick your ass today and I can still be forgiven and go to heaven." Sinning is not my intention here. I am just here, lost in philosophizing, overwhelmed everywhere by immature, silly, stupid people and being treated unfairly.
Who do I look upon? My grandfather? Jesus? Buddha? Philosophy? Literature?
Buddha would say- don’t do anything. If you are treated unfairly, still smile.
Jesus said turn on your right cheek for those who hit on your left.
Philosophy is never complete; it can be right and wrong at the same time.
In a worldly world, we can’t really keep quiet over unfair thing. Although sophisticated philosopher would always create confusion over what is fair and unfair and what s write and wrong, God has given human beings an intuition, a soul, which think rationally all the time unless it is itself manipulated. Jesus didn't keep silence when he saw people collecting taxes unlawfully. He overturned the tables. He called the priest: "snakes in white clothes". Jesus was not very saint when he had to speak. But he was still calm and collected. He was still in silence. Silence of inner peace, a calm humility of spiritual being that we people sometime do not understand. Yet we think we are the best in this planet and can create hoax on Spirituality and God.
Hopefully, things will get okay! Not that it will change with my writing. In every religion, there is a place here God came to this world, died for people and all he asked was have faith in him, He would give you salvation but the nature of human tendency is such idiotic. Not a whole lot changed. People keep forgetting. Not a whole lot is going to change with my writing and I am not seeking to bring in revaluation anyway. People, who understand, will have no problems, because the message is very simple. People, who are idiotic, egoistic and full of worldly things beyond the necessity, will not even sit in a minute of silence to meditate about GOD or spirituality. Even God appears in front of him and tell him of the message, he will still say-screw you! You are not the God I believe so I don't care. It is absurd. My silence is way better. My writings will continue for myself and those who enjoy it. I have no goals. Whatever I write, whenever I write, whomever it concerns-my writing is of my silence and nothing else. My silence is of God and no one else.
05/18/2010
