As the earthquake
begins to subside in Nepal, my internal earthquakes has begun to rumble. I have
been having attacks of spasm because of my inability to be decisive and firm. I
think over things too much and I change my mind too much. Being over prepared
has backfired me. My plans have collapsed, and now, I have to rebuild it from
the base like people have to rebuild from the foundation in Nepal.
I can't call myself
unlucky as I have been tremendously lucky in many aspects of life. I am grateful
for things that has happened to me. Life has given me plethora of joyous moments
and it has presented me with various opportunities. I have been blessed in that
sense. When I see people less fortunate than me, I realize that fact. The
targets that I have put for myself were realistic- getting a book published,
buying a house, starting a family, settling in some good country, retiring
early to do something for others etc. I am close, yet too far from it. My
restlessness comes from unpredictable turn of events, and my confusion with
what is the right thing at that right moment. Or maybe I simply regret about
that bigger fish that I did not catch? I am not sure. These days, I just try to
be patient and search hints in the crazy dreams that I see every day.
